The Villains

Like in any comic book, a really evil villain will tell you exactly what they are planning the minutes before their victim is killed. My villains are not much better. They tell all the time when they are about to do something or if they did something.

Like this week. Wednesday I came back from a ten day trip to my home town. A few weeks ago I had just changed the lock in my apartment door. I bought the lock at a small locksmith shop, the owner was very friendly and explained to me exactly what to do when I install the lock. He said, it was important to make sure the screw actually holds the lock and doesn’t go a weird way beneath the lock. That’s what I did when I changed the lock. I checked three times if the lock was sitting right.

Wednesday, when I came back, the lock was LOOSE. I unscrewed the screw and turned out it had been changed. The new found screw didn’t fit my new lock and didn’t fit the old lock. I had used the screw that came with the new lock and I tested before if it would fit. So someone changed the screw.

Why?

That is my villains powerplay. They like to show me how good they are at everything. They want to let me know that I can change my lock as often as I want, they still will get into my apartment if they want to.

At first glance everything in the apartment seemed normal. So I thought, well ok you had your powerplay. Apparently I have to find more ways to secure the door.

Thursday I had my half yearly dentist appointment, the “journey” of half an hour on the train alone was so exhausting that I felt like I just wanna sleep for the rest of the day. Then when I came home, I discovered that someone had left crooks next to the front door of the house. I took pictures and removed the crook with my spit. For the rest of the day I was tired. Later at night I wrote a report to the police because when googling for crooks I saw an article recommending that.

Friday I discovered my spit was not enough to remove the crook, so I washed it away with soap water and a brush. Then I called the police to ask about the report and the policeman said, unfortunately it is very unlikely that they will be able to do something because they are overloaded with more important things. I also tried to call the landlord, but they were not available.

Today, Saturday, I discovered this on the escalator of my S-Bahn station:

That made me think. The day before I had talked to my friend D. on the phone and told her, that all I am doing right now is watching TV. I suspected that her phone was hacked and that she was monitored just as I had been for a very long time.

But for some reason later when I came home today, I wanted to turn on the TV. I have a fire tv stick from amazon with a remote that has an integrated alexa function. Whatever that is, I never used it. But it means, the remote or the stick has a microphone and can listen to you. I had a quick look at the installed apps and found some I had never seen before – well I never cared that much as long as TV was working… Anyway I had a weird feeling. So I did a factory reset. Now the remote is not able to connect anymore to the fire tv stick. Great!

Stuff like this keeps happening to me. I cannot tell anyone, because when I do I only get raised eyebrows and then people start mumbling stuff like,

• are you sure?
• I guess you must have made a mistake somewhere.
• This is very unlikely, why would someone want to hack you.

Well, I would like to ask:

• Why does someone manipulate my lock and then not steal anything from my apartment?
• Why would someone spray TV TV TV TV TV TV TV TV TV TV on the escalator closest to my home?
• Why didn’t the neighbours notice that someone was working on my door? Two of them are home a lot? The house is very poorly soundproofed?

I guess I can answer the last question by myself. I think at least two of my neighbours are villains. Mr. Constantly Coughing and The Young Mild.

Mr. Constantly Coughing looks like a woodsprite. Not a hairy fairy, more a shaggy shrek. He has a small dog. The dog is constantly stressed out and barks at everything. Even behind a closed door. It’s no wonder, that poor doggy was born on the ugly side of dogs, his face seems to big for his size. The eyes are huge and sit a bit to far on the outside of the face. Mr. Constantly Coughing sits at home all day constantly coughing and only leaves the house if the dog really needs to go. I have never seen them go to the woods. I guess the dog secretly dreams of going to the woods only one time and then he will never stress bark again.

The Young Mild is a teenager. He plays soccer, is a huge fan of a local club, it’s all over the place. His WiFi is named after that club and his doorbell is covered by a huge sticker. I was told, the Young Mild is delivering newspapers every night, but the longer I think about it, the absurder the times seem for newspaper delivery. His work times are from about 11pm – 2am. I bought weed a few times from him last summer. That was during the day, but we all know, the big drug selling time is the pre party time from 11pm – 2am, no?
I would like to say, The Young Mild looks like cheese, but he doesn’t. He looks like the average skinny pimply teenager. Maybe he secretly dreams about a career as a hip hopper. That’s his favourite music. He raps to it every time he listens to it.